- Oh, come on. - You can take a drink if you want. - No, I need more than a drink. Tough stuff.
- My name is Aunjoli. - My name's Jimmy. - Do you know what
you're here to do today? - Yes, I think I do, yeah. - To answer questions.
- All right.
- Okay, go ahead. - If you had the option, would you choose to haunt me after you die? - Oh, of course, yeah, of course. - But you would haunt me? Scare me and stuff? - Oh no, no, I wouldn't
haunt you like that. I would like to keep
my eyes on her forever.
So what does it say? You gotta read it for me. I can't see, no, I can't see it. - What is the most stereotypical
old person thing that I do? - What's the most stereotypical thing, old person thing, that you do? - That I do.
- That you do. - No, you say, "I".
- Oh, that I do, oh,
that I do, okay, yeah. - I'm reading for you
'cause you can't see. - Yeah, that's right, yeah. - You can't hear, you
refuse to get a hearing aid.
- Yeah, you got it, yeah. - Why don't you go get a hearing aid? They're a couple hundred
dollars at Costco. - I don't want a hearing aid, all right? I can hear. I can hear, just--
- Selectively.
- Huh?
(All laugh) - Are you still sexually
active and how often? - Oh come on. - How long has it been
since you and Mama did it? - Oh Jesus. Oh wow. It's been a little while,
let's just put it like that.
Been a little while.
- Years? - Damn near. - You know when I was little,
I found your Viagra once. - Well, that's nice. Describe how you lost
your virginity, honey.
Well, tell me about it. - This is such a bad idea. - Okay. - I was 18 years old.
- Oh wow, okay, speak up. - It was with my boyfriend at the time. - Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm. - 18, Huh, you're 26 now?
- Yeah.
How did you lose your virginity? - 15, Okay? - 15?
- 15, Oh I was busy. Oh, I was such a player in those days. - And then you switched
it up when you found Mama? - No, I had three before Mama. - Oh.
- Yeah.
- Wait, how many times
have you been married? - Three times, three times, yeah. - Oh man, I'm fine. Am I in the will? And how much am I getting? - You're getting kind of nosy. - He has a gambling problem,
so this is probably nothing.
- Yeah, right. More than likely. - You might have to take
a shot for that one. - Oh is that right, that's when? - 'Cause you didn't answer it well.
- That's good, yeah. I'm going by myself, right? - Yeah.
- Okay. Do you smoke marijuana or have you taken any other kind of drugs? - No, I don't. - Yeah, I know, no, I know that.
- You know I get paranoid
when I smoke, so. - Yeah, you're not, yeah. - Yep.
- What'd he say? - He said, "Have you smoked weed before?" - Of course, all my life, matter of fact. - Have you done shrooms, mushrooms? No heroin.
- No, well, I take that back.
I did sniff--
- Jimmy. - That was my worst thing,
I did sniff that one time. - Why did you--? - What's the matter? - That's the worst drug next to meth. - Well at the time, it just-- - It was a little bit better.
- Yeah, it was on the list. I didn't like the high because the next thing you see, you're-- - What about cocaine? - No cocaine, I have the sinus. Sniffing cocaine is not good, yeah. - But you just sniffed heroin.
- I have a sinus problem. It hurts more than it made me loaded. - Learn something new every day. It says, "What kind of porn do you watch?" - Oh no, no, I don't go that way.
I don't, I don't, I--
- You ask me that. - Oh, I ask you, oh, I'm sorry. I thought you're hitting on me. What kind of porn do you like, honey? - I watch it all, honestly.
What kind of porn do you like? - I don't like that 'cause
I like to be the actor. Yeah, okay, what else? - Which grandkid do you like the most and who's the fuck up? - Who's the what? What'd you say? - I said, "Who's the fuck up?" - Fuck up, is that what you said? Well, she's too small to fuck up, so I guess it lies on you. My turn?
- Yeah. - Have you ever been arrested? Have you ever broken the law? - I mean, I broke the law the other week.
I just went to court yesterday. - You went to court yesterday?
- Mm-hmm. - You did? Well see, I didn't know
about that, what happened? - I was on my phone when I was driving. - I told you about that, see? - Nobody died.
- Well yeah, but hell, you're
not supposed to do that. - How did you react when you found out my mom was pregnant with me? - Cried. - Tears of joy, I hope? - No, they weren't tears of joy. It was tears of mad.
- Why were you pissed? - Because she was supposed
to be going to college and doing all the things
she's supposed to do that I thought she was gonna do, and then she get hooked
up with a baby and-- - Did you like my dad?
- Huh? - Did you like my dad? - Give me a drink on that. Okay. - How do you want your funeral to be? - Swinging.
- Swinging? - You're kind of hitting
home here, I mean, it ain't too far away and
you're running all that down to me.
- Don't say that. You got another 100 years.
- Oh 100 years, sure, yeah. I don't wanna see myself. - Last question. - What do you think my--
- Obituary.
- Obituary should say? - I think that it should say, "Here is a great grandfather." Oh my God, I'm gonna cry. - Go ahead, speak up. Speak the truth. I'll be gone by the time
you come out of there.
- It would say something
about my best friend. How much that I strive to keep you proud. My first tattoo was your name, so I mean, you're my best friend.
- Right. - Can I get a tissue? Oh my God, I can't believe I'm crying.
Thank you. - Oh boy, I didn't expect for
this to turn out like this. - Oh Jesus. - Yeah, this is not nice.
I love you, okay? - Ready? Bottoms up. - Tough stuff. - This is gonna be on the
internet forever and ever. It'll be great.
- Oh, okay. I'll keep it together. - Thank you.
(Applause) - [Jimmy] Thank you..
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