you've hooked up with someone? - On a beach with fucking sand crabs. - You guys got crabs? - No! I'm Mariah. - I'm Bianca - Life is short.
(Laughing) Oh. - Hi.
- Hi.
- How's it going? - Good. How old are you? - 34. - I'm 28. - Mm, that's adorable.
- I'm ready for marriage and babies. - You are? - Yeah. - Okay. - And you? - Uh, what, uh.
(Laughing) - You gonna, you wanna? - Yeah, yeah. Cheers to meeting new people. You're awesome. - Cheers to this lasting forever.
Go for it. - This is the strangest
first date I've ever been on. - The strangest. - I dare you to kiss me on
the lips or take a shot.
- Well how would you feel about it? - Well I feel like I would
be happy to consent to that as a classy peck. - Yes. - So I guess since I'm the receiver. (Laughing) Getting to know somebody really quickly.
- Yeah. - It's your turn. - Me?
- Yeah. - Oh gosh.
Oh God. What sound do you make
when you're having sex and didn't make it? - Nope, nope, nope.
(Laughing) (cawing) I don't know, I don't know what... - Is that your mating call? - I'm gonna take a shot. We're not there yet.
- No, no, no, we're taking it slow. - Oh it's that question.
(Laughing) Which one of us do you
think is more attractive? - You. - Oh, you're kind. Oh, look at that I think it's you.
(Laughing) - No. No thanks. - It's so ridiculous. (Laughing) Fucking lesbian queer weirdo.
- What's the worst thing you
did in your last relationship? - Oh, that's easy. - Oh oh. - But I'm not drinking,
so I'm gonna be honest. I was mad and cussed at her.
- You're so Midwestern. - I know. (Laughing) It's. Wait.
What? Yeah, I'm from Michigan. Yeah. - Oh, what'd you say? - I, uh. Can you say this? Um, I said fuck you.
I did. I know. And there's so much shame around it. - Why? What happened? - I have grown.
How would you rate your
oral sex skills out of 10? - I don't want to toot my own horn, but I would have to say a 10. - Toot, toot. (Laughing) What makes you so 10? - Uh, you know I just got
a winning personality, and a can-do attitude. (Laughing) That's me.
Have you ever cheated on anyone, and what were the circumstances? - I did. I was young and fucken stupid, and an asshole apparently. Yeah, I was first year in college. Cheated on her.
Then told her. And then I learned my lesson trying to be a decent human to the world. Oh, that will never happen again. Don't do that to people.
It's not okay. What about you? Don't judge me if you didn't. - I don't think it counts. I'm gonna say no.
- What's the didn't count part? - I once upon a time ago
I was married and like. Why do you laugh? I am an attractive woman. Of course, I've been married before. (Laughing) So, before the divorce was finalized I made out with somebody else.
I had just called them
and been like we're done. And then hung up and then like went out and did it that night. - Oh. Next question.
(Laughing) Oh, that's good. What's your number one deal breaker? - Probably someone who's not kind. - Aw, that's good one. I mean, it is kindness.
Right. Like we have to be decent human being. - Yeah. - Like if you see a baby, you know, a stroller's tipped over in the street, we just kind of pass by.
Right. - I saved a child once. I did. I don't know why you guys are laughing.
You all are jerks. (Laughing) I saved a baby. - Did you want to tell me about
this baby saving (laughing). - Yeah, I think I will since you guys are all laughing at me.
(Laughing) I was at a basketball game. Everyone was leaving, but
I saw this small toddler just wandering and then like-- - I can tell that's not a baby. They're different. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That was really rude. I didn't mean to interrupt your story.
- Anyway, so there was
this small human being. It could've been a baby. It could've been a toddler. It could've been a midget.
I don't know. But it was walking towards the door and the door was huge and it was so heavy, and it was gonna close on the small human, and I ran. And I saved it. - You dove.
- I didn't dive. - Did you save it by
like stopping the door or shoving the baby out of the way and like giving it a
concussion in the process? 'Cause really it's really relative. - I held the door. I ran to the door and I was like door.
- How chivalrous of you. How awesome. - I am very chivalrous. - What a human.
- Oh my God, it's the last one. Okay. - Thank God. (Mumbles) (laughing) - Would you like to go
on another date with me? If yes, when and where? If no, why not? - Um yes.
You seem fun. You seem well balanced. That's a must. (Mumbles) (applauding) - Camping, let's go and-- - Wait, whoa.
Camping right off the, for the first, like for a second date. (Laughing) - Okay. No, no, no, no. What was I thinking? - Probably dinner is fine.
Probably dinner's a safe. - Yeah, I think dinner. No cameras would be really great..
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