That means I got to take a tinkle. - Yeah, I know. Hey, why the hell are you going so far? - I can't go if somebody can see me going. - You're not five years old anymore! - I can't go if somebody's even thinking about me going! So just stop! (Groaning) Stupid button fly.
Who's the idiot that chose this over a zipper? (Grunts) Anthony? Hey, Anthony, where are you? If you can hear me, say "dingleberry." Or really anything at all. I just really like the word "dingleberry." Heh. Dingleberry. (Snickers) Come on, man.
I'm lost! (Echoing) All right, if I can't find my way back, it looks like I'll have to survive out here by myself. SURVIVE!!! All right, let's do-- (groans, body thumps) (quiet thunder, bird squawking) (moans in pain) What would Bear Grylls do right now? - (Ominously) Drink your own piss! - Who the hell said that? Bear Grylls? - I sensed that someone was in trouble and came as soon as I could. - Well, then, what should I do? Tell me your secrets. - Right.
First, you'll need to take care of three basic things: food, shelter, and hydration. Take care of these three things, and you'll be able to survive out here forever. - Whoooa. - All right.
First thing you need to do is drink your own piss. - What? No. - All right. Then I guess you could find some food.
First, if you just look down-- - Oh, I know. If I eat this moss, it should sustain me all winter. - No, no, that moss is extremely poisonous. - (Spitting) (coughs) - I was just trying to get you to look down there.
Someone left us a roasted chicken. (Flies buzzing) - Oh. Right. Heh.
I knew that. (Coughs and gags) - This next step will be a lot easier if you drink your own piss. - I'd really rather. - Whatever, man.
It's your life at stake here. I guess we'll have to get you some shelter. I would actually-- - Oh! I'll use these sticks to make a hut. I'll make two bedrooms so you can stay the night for a sleepover.
- Stop, you idiot! You're tearing down the last den of the endangered West African Killer Otter. - (Gasps) (otters chitter) Oh, hi, little guys. Aren't you so cute? (Baby talk) (screaming) Get it off, Bear! (Disoriented muttering) (screaming) Why two? Die, you stupid! (Growls) (panting heavily) (heavy breath) - Good job, dick. You just forced the species into extinction.
- Well, they started it. Anyway, what's next? - Right. This is your last and final step: hydration. All you have to do is drink your own-- - No.
- What? You scared of a little piss or something? - I don't know. It just seems a little extreme, doesn't it? - Come on, man. Just drink your piss. Everyone's doing it.
- Okay, great. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not gonna drink my own piss!! - Fine! - Fine! (Sizzling, Ian wheezes) (groans) I'm so thirsty. - Just drink your own piss, man. Look, I got a bottle of my piss right here.
See? Not that hard. Just drink your own piss! - Damn it. I'm not drinking my own piss, Bear Grylls! - Suit yourself. (Gulping) - Ah, screw it.
- Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Yeah! - Are you drinking your own piss? - (Spits) What? (Sputters) No. And besides, even if I was, I had to. I've been stuck out here for days, man! - Uh, you've only been out here for like 20 minutes, and you're not lost. Your car is right there.
- What? - Yeah, I saw you hit your head on that tree, and, I mean, I was gonna help. But then you started talking to yourself and building things out of sticks, so I just sat back and watched. - Wow. Congratulations.
You're the greatest friend ever, dick. - So you really just drank your own piss? Huh? - I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go home and-- (engine sputters) Crap. Car's dead.
- Great. Now we're probably gonna be stuck out here for a couple of days. And we definitely don't have enough food or water. - No!! - To see bloopers and a deleted scene about banging hotties on Mount Everest, click the link in the description below.
- Piss party! - Thanks for subscribing. (Gulping) Mmm. Mmm. That's some good piss.
- What have you got for me? - Cats and dubstep. (Dubstep music playing) - Love it..
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